Looks like it’s shaping up to be another hot summer! My lawn is already looking rather brown… If you’re like most people you check the daily temperature either on your smart phone, computer, the weather channel, the news or even on the temp gauge in the car. A lot of people even check it more than once needing to feel up to date with the latest meteorological information!

Relationships also have a temperature so to speak. They can be going well and seem all warm and connected. They can also be hot and conflicted, cold and disconnected, or frosty and ready to crack at any minute. So just like we take the time each day to check the weather and prepare for the day ahead, we also need to take the time to check in with our partners too. Couples who do feel more connected and closer and are more prepared to deal with the daily challenges life can bring. The following tool from the PAIRS relationship skills training courses will help you do just that. Simply set aside 15-20 min each day and check in!

The Daily Temperature Reading:

1.Appreciations: Begin the conversation with a few things you appreciate about your partner and tell them why. We tend to hear a lot about the things that go wrong in life so it’s nice to know the good things as well. Remember that when you get appreciated to always say thank-you!

2. New Information: Next, share with your partner something new. Keep them up to speed about what’s happening in your life or how you’ve been feeling lately. You can share what’s new at work, what’s new with family and friends, any plans you’ve made or are thinking of making. When you keep your partner in the loop you feel like more of team rather than living separate lives.

3. Puzzles: This is the time to ask your questions and clarify any assumptions. It may be as simple as, “I’m wondering what you’d like t do thins weekend?” Or you might have noticed your partner is a bit quite and ask, “Are you OK? You seem a little down.” When you ask questions, you get information that you can use to keep things going in a positive direction. Assumptions often have a negative bias and get lead a couple down a road they never needed to go down.

4. Concerns with a Solution: It’s not enough to just complain about things. If you have a concern this is your time to share it along with a possible solution. When you offer a solution you are taking some responsibility for making things better and will encourage your partner to work with you to find a solution that works for both of you. Cut off problems before they become worse!

5. Wishes Hopes & Dreams: End your check-in on a positive note. Look into the future and so a bit of forecasting not unlike what the weatherman does. Let your partner know what you hope to do and what you are looking forward to. Try to become dream makers for each other! So many fights happen when you feel your future isn’t turning out the way you thought it would. We tend to head in the direction of our focus. When couples share a positive future focus together then they usually end up there together!

Enjoy your summer! And if you feel this communication tool is a good one, consider signing up for one of the great PAIRS courses. You could change more then the weather. You could change your life.

Do you have more questions? Email your questions and comments to info@pacificfamilylife.com. We love offering advice, so check back often for new tips and articles!



Is Your Relationship Hot or Cold?

Posted June 7. 2016

Pacific Family Life Counselling